Sunday, April 15, 2007


my hearts beating too fast. i just woke up from a
potentially fatal bangungot. or something.

ill explain. i was in the middle of a dream. our maid,
she asked me, nikaon na ka Day? I was about to reply,
when suddenly my eyes open up. thought i was already
awake--until i realized that i could not move. in the
dark i could see a portion of my room, but something
was blocking my view--a lettuce or cabbage spinning in
mid-air. i knew this image came from a
still-half-unconscious mind; a few hours before
sleeping, i had read a cookbook on salads.

first the lettuce. next, i discover that i could not
open my mouth. in my mind i could hear myself moan. in
my mind i was thrashing about in bed. but nothing; i
knew i was helplessly silent and immobile, and nobody
could possibly hear or know that i am violently
struggling to regain consciousness.

then my attention went to my breathing. i could not
even will myself to breathe in deep. and then i
realize my breaths becoming shallower and shallower.
until i think i stopped breathing.

panic set in. i try and get up. but when it seemed
like i had finally broken free, i was only made more
aware that i was actually still held fast in bed and i
still cant breathe. the act of getting up from bed is
a only an image confined inside my brain.

then i remember Uma Thurman in Kill Bill: wiggle your
toe. i try and wiggle it. nothing. my chest hurt. for
a moment i think, I really just might die tonight.

after a few more desperate attempts, i finally,
finally wake up. the first thing i did: inhale damn
deeply. my head felt like it had its own pulse and i
felt so weak--like i had just come from running a good
few kilometers. but ive never felt more grateful to be

p.s. ak0 lang ba naay ani na experience??? mao ba ni
ang ginatawag na urom, aka the nightmare from which
there is no waking up? sa tinuod lang ha, kapila na ko
nakasinati ani. pero this time, abi jud nako madayunan
na ko kay dugay kaayo ko naka-recover. Nyeta. gigutom
na lang hinuon ko.

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