A Letter I Write While Staring at You Passed Out in a Sitting Position on the Couch (and while I am half-watching Frankie and Johnny)
(Incomplete and Bridged)
Written in the early minutes of Sunday, May 27I want you to know that I am holding you responsible for your own life (and inevitable demise). That if ever something happens to you—death, disability, a chronic, lingering illness—I shall not be held liable to harbor any form of guilt or regret.
I wrote you a long letter a few years ago. I shed many tears on that letter. I humiliated myself in class during my fourth year retreat in high school by being reduced to a sniveling, weepy mess pouring my heart out writing that letter. All that for nothing. Therefore, should any of my forecasts hold true in the future, I can only tell you this: You brought (and are continually bringing) this upon yourself; I therefore exercise my right to extricate myself from any emotional entanglements brought about by your loss.
(This Frankie and Johnny seems like a good film, only I can't enjoy it fully because you have taken up my space in front of the TV. )
Oh, you have no idea how many times the idea of your death has played in my mind. The many scenarios range from you being shot or wounded fatally with a sharp object by one of your soused buddies. Or you suffering fatal injuries from an automobile accident. And worse of all yet: you getting an expensive, lingering illness, like cirrhosis of the liver or diabetes. No, I don't want you to get that, because I always imagine the anguish (financial and otherwise) it will cause Mama. And then the punishment will rest more on Mama and not you. Lord knows she's been through enough already.
I guess this means I want you out of my life. Or that I'm prepared for the possibility of it.
(If you don't mind, I'll cut this letter short. I'm enjoying Frankie and Johnny too much to spend any more time digging up negative energy to fuel this letter. )
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Papa has slipped into alcohol dependency again. I don't know what's wrong with him. I don't understand him. *releases an audible sigh* I'm too tired/distressed/bummed-out to write any further.
I really have nothing good to blog about. It's just that this 'election' post is already way past its expiry date, and I think I should replace it before it grows molds.
I think I'll just leave you all with a song from Mike Patton, ex-lead singer of Faith No More. I only know one song from FNM--and that wasn't even an original. It was a rehash of The Commodores' (a.k.a Lionel Richie's Motown band) "Easy". Faith No More's MTV for Easy featured Mike and band lounging around with cross-dressers. Nothing says "easy like Sunday morning" more than a heavy metal band lounging around with cross-dressers.
Mike's a very interesting man. I like him. He's way up there in my book with Chris Cornell and, uh...Chris Cornell.
And now that Faith No More is, well, no more, Mike Patton has gone on to become Peeping Tom. He released a strictly-collaboration album in 2006, working with the likes of Massive Attack, a bunch of artists I don't know, and--Bebel Gilberto!!!
Bebel Gilberto!?
And so here is a cut from his self-titled album. And I think you should listen to it before reading further, 'cause you don't want to be a spoiler.
Yeah, that's Mike Patton back there with the Plasticman vocals. And that foul-mouthed femme fatale is Norah Jones.
I can just imagine surprised NJ purists spitting their lattes across the monitor.
PMS-ing, but in a good way.
Can you fault me for bawling like a baby after reading these words?
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Election's Over by Martin Bautista, Ang Kapatiran senatorial candidate
The election is over. It is time to examine, and to both skeptics and sympathizers alike, explain my participation in it.
I gave up a flourishing medical practice in America, joined Kapatiran and ran for the Senate because I wanted not merely to prove a point, but to live by it.
And the point is this: we can change our country, help our people, not by talking or theorizing but by actually doing something about it. One cannot simply make a statement. He must apply it in his life, by example, by involvement, by action. Our political campaign was such a statement.
Did we succeed? We did not get enough votes for a seat in the senate. But we did get the attention of the electorate and, more importantly, we made people aware of alternative solutions, better political options.
We demonstrated that it is possible to conduct an open, honest, vigorous campaign on programs, not personalities.
We showed that there is no need for false promises, political gimmickry, immoderate spending; but that there is a need for continuing communication, defending and justifying our positions and priorities.
Our fundamental premise is this: Politics is not a means of livelihood. It is not an economic investment that will pay off in future material gain. Politics is a way of giving, of sharing, of helping. It is not soliciting support but providing it. It is not about rendering service in the senate when elected, but rendering service now, in the present, in this time and place, in one's capacity as a candidate, a citizen, a Filipino of compassion.
If we have, even in a small, tentative way, we have redefined politics in the Philippines, then we have been fully recompensed for our efforts. The accomplishments of our greatest heroes cannot be judged in the simplistic terms of triumph or defeat. Like Burgos, Gomez and Zamora, the Kapatiran candidates won no instant victory. But they achieved a beginning, advanced the cause for reform, and awakened a hope that such reform is possible.
A personal note of accountability. We received donations from many sectors of society. Added to our own private contribution to the campaign, the total amount exceeded our modest campaign expenses. The balance we shall turn over to Gawad Kalinga in accordance with our conviction that politics is not an enterprise for profit.
Finally I wish to extend my sincere appreciation to all the men and women of goodwill who stand with us in the common belief in a Filipino future. Maraming salamat sa inyong lahat.
Martin D Bautista, MD
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Yes, I cried. I cried for the loss of this country. I cried because people are more willing to give their votes to coup plotters, Human Rights violators, actors, TV hosts, gambling lords, and shitty bastards who are all talk but have absolutely nothing to show for in their track records.
Initally, I was bitter. I was bitter because I thought, These very same people who complain about the corruption and katiwalian in this country, are the very same ones who eagerly open their arms to goody-bags of Quickchow and Ligo sardines, and willingly agree to bastardize their right to suffrage for a few hundred pesos. They complain about the bulok na sistema, and whine about how all politicians are alike, but don't have the balls and the initiative to look and fight for better alternatives. They poke fun at the clowns we have put in power, and think themselves too high and mighty to participate in such a dirty electoral process, and just content themselves by sitting in their high-chair of misled righteousness and apathy. Fug these people!
My insides right now are a simmering cauldron of emotions: grief, bitterness, sorrow, rrrage. But somehow, with Dr. Martin Bautista's words, I cannot help but also feel strangely hopeful and optimistic. This is sooo not me, I know.
Like I said, in spite of the dark storm cloud brooding over my head, I feel very light-hearted. Sure, I feel a tightening in the chest area whenever I see Ang Kapatiran's numbers in the poll results, but I am consoled by the thought that, at least, 3-4% of the population were brave and principled enough to take a gamble on these three modern-day Quixotes. There is still hope for my country.
But enough of the waterworks. Life goes on. We may have placed a couple more A-holes in Senate (and City Hall and SK), but I don't quite give a hoot. If there is anything my bajillion Philo classes have taught me, it is this: I am an egotist and an individiualist. I do not hold anyone responsible for my life. Leave the senators to their law-making and Blue Ribbon committee investigations, because I will make my own destiny. I will not wait on their promises of peace, security, housing, lower commodity prices, population control (although Ping just might deliver on that, *wink-wink*), zero-graft, etc. So while the rest of my fellow citizens look to the skies open-mouthed and empty-handed for rainbows and ek-eks and bloom-blooms, I shall hold my own. Labels: elections, hot vent
