Tuesday, March 6, 2007


I exercise an excess of carefulness--in writing, speaking, or blogging. Carefulness, which can be translated to a form of paranoia. In blogging, especially, I am most careful with the entries I post. I fear that someone I know might stumble upon this blog and find that I am the total opposite of the image I project. That I harbor these sentiments. That I think this way.

Type, erase. Type, Ctrl+A, delete. Edit. Insert new topic. Sanitize text, fill with euphimism and veneer. Filter and release. I blog like this. Ugh, I know, it's sickening. I'm sick.

I do not understand. Where is this text leading to? The voice inside my head--that invisible author--what does it want to me to write?

I need honesty. More honesty. Less pretentiousness. More spontaneity. Openness. Beautiful.