Thursday, September 6, 2007

I'm in Over my Head

But I'm trying to convince myself otherwise. I've just been handed big responsibility (to me, however, it came in the shape of a crown of thorns). The thing is, I don't know what to do with it. I feel so helpless. Incompetent. Dumb. Just plain scared that I just might screw things up and make an ass of myself in full view of everyone. This must be what they mean when they say, "it's lonely at the top." People expect you to be at the top of your game, when in all honesty you are just as in the dark as they are.

But there's no turning back now. With the illusion of attaining personal growth"--and an extra line in my resume--dangled in my face, I took the bait and said "yes." So I guess I will just have to suck it all in and do this, even if I have to bluff my way for the most part.
'Times like these when I thank God I have friends to give me much-needed mirror checks. A few minutes ago, I was just reminded by a friend that I create my own nightmares by always seeing the threat in every opportunity. And that made all the difference between a night of stewing in self-concocted anguish and facing up to my personal demons. *heaves a sigh of relief* I'm all better now, thank you.